I admit

Yes, I admit I do like her, ever since the first semester. It was never a secret to the frequent people in the Placement Office since it got discovered little by little. I must be so transparent when I really like someone.

My feelings gradually grew everytime I saw her, being attracted to her charm and intelligence like a woman's perfume becharming a man. It was never her looks that drew me in, although she has that certain cuteness, the one I call "hidden beauty", that type of beauty that always attracts me, a mixture of innocence & happiness. Music also attracts me quite well, and she's a really great singer.

I do not know if she already caught a whiff of this uneasy atmosphere whenever we are in the same location together. I remember all the times the Placement People tried to always put her and I together in one location, whether it be in the same room, the same timeslot during work shifts, or even the same table seated next to each other when having those complimentary dinners after a Placement event.

I have a difficult time striking up a conversation with her. Our interests seemingly do not relate to one another. I remember browsing through her resume when we were nominated for a position in the Placement Office and reading her testimonials in Friendster. I did not realize that by doing so, I felt really intimidated with her capabilities. She was up there riding in a lot of success, whileas I'm still struggling to find my way up. I even felt that if I pursued this relationship, I might be bringing her down, and I do not want to do that to her. I even had bad dreams in my sleep showing me probable consequences if I pursued this, constantly quarelling since we are located in different poles.

Yet, lately, I could not stop thinking about her. I still have those bad dreams in my sleep every now and then, but it is still about her. Some anecdotes I've written recently were inspired by her. I've never felt this way since my first girlfriend.

The placement peeps have been urging me to tell her this already so that (1) they can finally nominate someone for Placement Couple in the traditional senior's farewell party in the Placement Office, (2) I do not regret not telling her that I like her and kill myself in the future & (3) they could watch a true-to-life telenovela unfold before their very eyes. They've used several techniques to coerce me into coming out of my torpe shell. They told me stories, joked about this, had simulations of talk shows with blind items, attracted me to buy their stuff to give to her, drew love symbols on the whiteboard and more.

I really do not know if she knows this secret already. However, like the placement peeps said, she's a smart girl, and she probably knows it by now.

I'm scared.